I learned a new word today.
Actually it’s more of an appalling, politically-incorrect neologism, but it’s new to me nonetheless.
“Hillbilly airbag”.
Explained in the kindest terms, it refers to someone driving a car while holding a child on their lap.
Sadly, the phrase exists not just because some insolent smart-aleck coined it but because there are idiotic drivers out there who actually do this: drive with a helpless, unprotected child wedged behind the steering wheel thereby placing everyone - the child, driver, other passengers and fellow motorists, at risk.
And yes, there are real-life examples of this besides that infamous incident a few years back when pop singer Britney Spears drove an SUV while holding her four- month old son on her lap.
In fact, recently a motorist in Ohio called the Kettering police department to report witnessing a woman driving a minivan while breastfeeding and talking on a cell phone.
The concerned citizen followed the multi-tasking mom to a local school where he awaited police while she discharged several other children from her vehicle.
A 39-year old woman was subsequently charged with the first-degree misdemeanour of child endangering, plus another minor misdemeanour for unlawfully restraining her child.
Police stressed their concern was that the woman had a child in her lap while driving and not that she was breast-feeding in public.
The accused admitted breastfeeding the child while driving and allegedly told police that she does not deprive her child when the child is hungry.
What’s that old adage? “Never assume malice where stupidity will suffice.”
This incident proves - once again, that just as the act of procreation doesn’t automatically endow one with good parenting skills, passing a driver’s licence test doesn’t necessarily guarantee the licencee possesses enough common sense or intelligence to safety operate a motor vehicle.
This was distracted driving in the extreme. Juggling babe, breast, steering wheel, and cell phone is dangerous and stupid and there’s absolutely no reason for it.
If that baby needed to be fed - as inevitably happens the moment you plunk a little one in a car seat, the woman should have pulled over somewhere out of harm’s way and fed the child - at which point she could have also made that all-important cell phone call.
So what if the other kids were late for school, better to be a tad tardy than dead or injured from a car crash.
If convicted on the child endangerment charge, the woman faces up to 180 days in jail and a maximum fine of $1,800. The unlawful restraint charge carries a fine of up to $150.
No surprise, she’s pleaded not guilty.
There is one small postscript to this story. In an audio file of the non-emergency call made to Ohio police and posted online by The Dayton Daily News, the complainant states that he’s following the minivan, has tried to speak to the woman, and further reports:
“She literally has the little girl on the steering wheel, and I said ‘I can't believe you have that kid in your lap’. And she said, ‘You want to pop your titty out and breastfeed this kid?’ That's what she said to me. I'm like, ‘You can feed your kid when you stop.’ ”
Okay, crass comments aside, and not to belittle what was definitely a legitimate safety concern, but given that this exchange apparently took place while these two were driving, one can’t help but wonder if the complainant wasn’t guilty of a little distracted driving of his own.
As far as I know though there isn’t a term that covers this, though perhaps “domino distracted driver effect” might work?
